Easing the Growing Pains of Being a New Parent

By Theresa Rice

What do you think of when you hear the word transition? If you are a parent, you probably think of kids and their various transitions from one activity to another. Perhaps you also think about life transitions — moving, getting married, starting a new job or having a baby. Having a child is arguably one of life’s biggest transitions, but how parents-to-be think about that transition can significantly affect their approach to the early stages of parenthood.

Parents support kids by prepping them and coaching them through transitions. Yet when it comes to the transition to parenthood, there is a tremendous gap in planning and preparation. Much of the effort centers around the baby and their needs — prepping shower registries, planning a nursery space and taking birthing and infant classes. These preparations are common and can certainly aid individuals in preparing to take care of a baby, but unfortunately, there is often little emotional preparation prior to parenthood. A paradigm shift in the way people prepare for parenthood can greatly improve this transition.

Recognizing that parenthood involves a time of significant change and transition is crucial. For women, this profound period of change in the transition to motherhood is known as matrescence. Founder of Washington, D.C. -based Seven Mothers Perinatal OT, LLC, Vaishi Tallury, MA, OTR/L, PMH-C, defines this transitory period as “a time of physical, emotional and cognitive changes that allow for learning, growth and adaptation.” Matrescence can be compared to another phase of life — adolescence. In both time periods, the brain undergoes changes, and arguably more so in pregnancy than in adolescence, according to a 2024 study led by Laura Pritschet in the journal Nature Neuroscience. Matrescence, the transition to motherhood, not only involves transition but it entails a whole transformation.

Mentally preparing for parenthood involves preparing for change. The key is to acknowledge that change brings about uncertainty, and adaptation is key. It can feel challenging to prepare for ambiguity, but there are ways to do so. These preparations can ease the transition and prepare parents to tackle challenges faced in early parenthood.

Practical Ways To Prepare for Parenthood

1. Acknowledge change. The overwhelm is often not just about managing the baby. It’s about managing all the things. Routines get disrupted, which can feel unsettling. Change can be messy, and often disorganization occurs before reorganization. Change takes time. Whether it’s moving, starting a job or having a baby, transitions take time. Parents can feel empowered that they are growing and learning over time rather than expected to “know it all, all at once.”
2. Learn about Perinatal Mental Health Disorders (PMHDs). PMHDs are the No. 1 complication of childbirth, according to analysis published in The Journal of Clinical Psychiatry. Tallury says there is a natural level of uncertainty in early parenthood as parents are rapidly adjusting to learning new skills and routines, but they are not often taught to monitor their own mental health and well-being, as well as when to reach out for help.
3. Prepare for rest. Tallury explains, “One thing I see a lot with moms is not knowing how to slow down and rest. Rest is the thing I think a lot of moms are not prioritizing. And rest is so important for healing and recovery.” To address this, she recommends planning in advance how you would like to rest and who can help with this.
4. Identify what support looks like to you. This doesn’t have to be limited to holding the baby and can include household tasks. Providing a list of these items can be helpful for family and friends when visiting.
5. Know your care providers. It can be helpful to become familiar with the roles of perinatal providers including, but not limited to, OB/GYNs, doulas, midwives, lactation consultants, perinatal psychiatrists and therapists. Understanding these roles can help in preparing for pregnancy and postpartum. Tallury explains her role as a perinatal occupational therapist. “Perinatal or maternal health occupational therapists take a holistic, system-based approach to working with moms, parents and families.” In other words, they consider the interaction between a new parent’s physical, mental and emotional health within their environmental context. Perinatal occupational therapists address the needs of the parent, baby and family to support the entire family unit. This could look like evaluating a family’s daily routine to facilitate the use of calming strategies to improve regulation. Often these providers have specialized training in sensory processing and nervous system function. Additionally, Tallury emphasizes the importance of “[helping] individuals retain their sense of self before and after having a child, knowing it will not look exactly the same.” Assisting parents in finding and engaging in meaningful activities can promote this sense of self, but it all starts with regulation. One of the foundational elements of well-being is self-regulation. Tallury offers a variety of ways to promote this in the transition to parenthood.

Strategies To Promote Well-Being in Pregnancy and Postpartum

1. Engage in gentle movement such as yoga. Tallury, a certified yoga instructor, explains the many benefits of gentle movement in the perinatal period, which include improved regulation, relaxation and overall physical and mental well-being.
2. Use calming strategies. Something as simple as diaphragmatic or deep breathing can aid in improving nervous system function. Incorporating these even for a few minutes a day can impact self-regulation, which sets the stage for co-regulation.
3. Remain flexible. It is perfectly fine to think ahead to how you would like to approach daily tasks such as feeding and naps, but it is equally important to approach this with flexibility, knowing it will likely not go exactly according to plan.
4. Find community. Parenthood is not meant to occur in isolation. Support from other parents can be enormously helpful in gaining confidence and developing as a parent. PACE (Parenting and Childhood Education) emotional support groups in the DMV are a local example of this type of support.

Resources for Parents

The transition to parenthood brings about many changes and challenges. Parents-to-be can make this transition easier by giving themselves the time and space to learn, adapt and grow. It will happen, but it does take time. The resources included below can also help individuals in their parenthood journey.

The Maternal Mental Health Hotline is a free, confidential service available 24/7 for pregnant and postpartum individuals and their loved ones. It provides support and mental health resources and is available via text, call or chat at 1-833-TLC-MAMA (1-833-852-6262).

Postpartum Support International (PSI) provides peer support groups, resources and training and education on perinatal mental health.

Seven Mothers Perinatal OT, LLC offers in-home concierge therapy for expectant and postpartum mothers in Washington, D.C., as well as group workshops and virtual visits. Services focus on practical supports to address physical, mental and emotional needs of mothers throughout the perinatal period.