Go to any playground and watch two kids make friends instantly. Making friends as a little one can be as simple as being at the same place at the same time. Making friends as an adult can be much more difficult. Add in the chaotic schedule of parenting and it’s no wonder why so many moms find making meaningful friendships a challenge. As we prepare to celebrate moms this month for Mother’s Day, we hear how three moms in the Washington, D.C. area took up that challenge and went from strangers to friends.
The Go-Getter
Susie Maurer, a mom of two, says her method for making friends is to force herself to be “an extreme extrovert.” Maurer is married to a member of the military, and her family are living in the Washington, D.C. area for only a year before they move to Hawaii this summer. So, making friends quickly was a top priority. One of Maurer’s favorite way to meet people is to throw a large gathering at her house.
“You have to be very confident,” she says. “I remember telling my husband, ‘We’re hosting a party in six weeks.’ And he’s like, ‘We don’t have any friends.’ And I was like, ‘Well, we’re going to find them.’”
For Alyssa Zachmann, another mom of two, proximity is how she made her first friends as a parent. When her oldest daughter, Kasey, was born, she and her husband were living in Hoboken, New Jersey. “We lived in a condo building, and there were three other women in the building that had babies around the same time,” she says. “I just kind of went out on a limb and was like, ‘Hey, let’s go for a walk together.’”
Zachmann noticed that the other moms seemed really happy that she had taken the initiative to get to know them.
Another way Zachmann found friends when her daughters were younger was through preschool playdates. “Parents of kids who were in my kid’s preschools were setting up playdates,” she says. “And at that age, you’re not just dropping them off and leaving, so you’re hanging out with the parents and then finding the parents you connect with.”
Caring Communities
Shortly after Zachmann’s youngest daughter, Zara, was born, the family moved to the DMV. In the summer of 2021, Kasey was diagnosed with brain cancer. Kasey underwent four years of treatment before passing away at the age of 10 this past August.
“When [she] was sick…we had an amazing community, and we’ve got great friends and it’s been so fantastic,” Zachmann says. “I’ve had people show up in new ways that [I] was just so thankful for.”
While acknowledging that it can be awkward to approach people, Zachmann believes that “in so many circumstances, people are just craving that connection and that friendship and they are just too nervous to take that first step.”
‘Be the Village To Grow the Village’
Rehka DiScenna has three young girls. Like Maurer, she is a military spouse and no stranger to moving regularly. Describing herself as a natural introvert, DiScenna, tries to push herself outside of her comfort zone when settling into a new area and making new friends. When her husband began medical school in Ohio nearly a decade ago, she found herself in a new town where she didn’t know anyone.
“A year went by and I didn’t have any close friendships,” DiScenna says. “I realized, I just kind of had to put myself out there. I had to participate and put out what I wanted to get back type thing.”
In 2021, DiScenna moved with her husband and newborn to Georgia for two years. “I had a very fresh baby. She was like two and a half months old,” she says, with a laugh. “I want[ed] to make a community and you just have to throw yourself out there and throw your house out there and just be open to making friends with strangers.”
DiScenna and her family have lived in the DMV for nearly two years. When trying to make friends, “you have to be very intentional. Friendships and villages are not just going to fall in your lap…you have to be the village to grow the village,” she says.
Meagan and Katie … 21 Years So Far
Everyone should have a best friend like mine. Meagan LeBlanc and I met in December 2004 as booksellers at Barnes & Noble in Bethesda. Meagan had moved to the United States from Canada about 18 months prior, and I was a recent college graduate. It didn’t take us long start finding each other before and after shifts. Often, we would go the pub around the corner and wait until happy hour started to order a burger and a beer. We had similar interests that went beyond books. We liked the same movies, we had the same silly sense of humor and best of all, we liked each other.
Over the ensuing two plus decades, Meagan and I have stayed close, even as I married a man in the military and moved all over the country and the world. We ended up having children around the same time, and now our three girls are good friends, too.
While my husband and I (and eventually our daughter) lived in Okinawa, Japan, on military orders, Meagan and I managed to stay in touch. We spoke on the phone regularly, video chatted when we could and exchanged texts, emails and memes daily. Being more than 12 hours ahead of the East Coast, it took effort to maintain our regular contact.
When we moved back to the United States in late 2022, Meagan tracked each leg of our long journey and texted me upon my arrival at each stop. After two days of travel with a 21-month-old and near delirious with minimal sleep, a mere five minutes after our arrival at DCA, Meagan texted me, “Welcome home, same time zone friend.”
Since settling back in the area permanently, we have picked up where we left off. We get together at least once a week and often more. We go to Costco rather than pubs for after work beers now, but our connections remain unchanged. We’re still silly, we’re still fun. Back in January, we went to JC Penney to take best friend pictures. We’re considering making it an annual tradition. I consider Meagan and her children to be part of my chosen family. I feel so lucky to have my bestie in my life. Everyone should have a best friend like mine. Except you can’t have mine, she’s already taken.
Mother of one and best friend of Meagan, Katie Schubert made a new mom friend while writing this article.
