Attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) can affect how children respond to parenting. Here are some ways to address ADHD symptoms like executive dysfunction, rejection-sensitive dysphoria (RSD) and pathological demand avoidance (PDA) in a constructive, accommodating way.

Some advice may apply to multiple age groups.

5 and younger

• Set firm expectations with flexibility in how they’re met.
• Steps with pictures assist working memory.
• Plan concrete engagement time (15-20 minutes reading together).
• Validate (“I see that was frustrating for you”) before problem solving.
• Instruct using a gentle tone and a soft start vs. an abrupt demand.
• Set aside times to give your child full attention in fun, positive activities.
• Predictable mealtimes, naptimes and playtimes lessen a child’s mental load.

6-12 years

• Be consistent with consequences; predictability is reassuring.
• Try something new once a week to practice flexible thinking.
• Have a home for items and clearly label and color code them.
• Avoid reward charts for kids with PDA; it can increase demand perception.
• An emotions wheel can help kids name what they’re feeling.
• Group activities focus attention and allow social practice.

12-18 years

• Support autonomy with collaboration: “What would make this better for you?”
• Model positive self-talk with your own mistakes.
• Provide a safe space to unmask; don’t pepper with questions.
• Separate behavior (they created a problem) from identity (they are a problem).
• Give reminders that contradict negative core beliefs or talk.
• Keep supplies in multiple places so forgetting is a non-issue.
• Praise effort and growth versus outcomes.