Coping with Infertility

Coping withInfertility and Miscarriage


 By HeidiSmith Luedtke


These phrases maysound sympathetic, but they’re likely to do more harm than good, says clinicalpsychologist Robin Goodman, PhD. If you know someone who is struggling withinfertility, don’t say:


“I know how you feel”

(Everyone isdifferent. Even if you did go through something similar, find out how theyfeel.)

“It’s for the best”

(This is notcomforting even if you think it is true. Your friend is grieving for the futureshe imagined for her family.)

“At least you haveeach other”

(This may be true.But a partner – or a pet or a job – can’t replace a child.)

 “You can always adopt”

(Some couplesdesperately want to have their own biological children.)

“The baby wouldprobably not have survived”

(Even incases of early miscarriage, your friend may feel overwhelming loss. Don’tminimize it.)




Heidi SmithLuedtke is a freelance writer who conquered secondary infertility through IVF.Follow her blog on parenting as leadership at


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