On Valentine’s Day, long before your mom days, you probably dined by candlelight in some swanky restaurant. Once you gave birth to your sweet little munchkins, your meal is more likely to involve baby spit up or chicken nuggets. Besides the lack of a romantic dining experience, you may also find yourself saying the following:
1. “Thank God this holiday doesn’t entail elves, fairies, leprechauns or any other magical night creatures.”
I’m not sure who came up with the brilliant idea of having “magical night creatures,” but I can guarantee it wasn’t a mom. At night, moms are counting down the seconds until they can go to sleep. The last thing on a mom’s mind is remembering to move an elf, retrieve a tooth or paint green leprechaun footprints on the floor. Plus, who would want to create a “leprechaun mess” knowing who will have to clean it up later? Definitely not a mom. We have enough messes we already clean daily. Please don’t create a magical “Cupid” that comes in the night. We already have more magic than Harry Potter at our house—thanks but no thanks.
2. “I just need about 10 more hours on Pinterest to find the perfect Valentine’s Day craft, cupcake and card.”
Pinterest is a black hole that will suck all of the hours out of your day. Just when you think you found the perfect craft, cupcake or card to replicate for the 25 kids in your child’s class, you will see another one and then another one. Before you know it, the whole day is gone and you still haven’t picked up a glue gun or spatula.
3. “I know you already have five Valentine’s Day T-shirts, but I couldn’t resist buying another one. I mean what other time can you wear a shirt that reads ‘Love-a-saurus’ with an adorable red dinosaur on it?”
Valentine’s Day kid shirts are adorable. Let’s face it … your teens aren’t going to let you dress them up in a “Love-a-saurus” shirt, so I’m going to dress up the kids in as many as I can while I still can. Some of my favorites besides “Love-a-saurus” are “More Spice than Sugar,” “I Choo-Choo Choose You” and “You Have a Pizza of My Heart.”
4. “Roses are red. Violets are blue. I’ll give you some candy if you go number two—in the potty this time.”
Oh, the joys of potty training on Valentine’s Day! Enough said.
5. “I think a fair cut of your Valentine’s Day school candy would be half since I wrote all 25 of your Valentine cards.”
Not only do you have to write each kid’s name on the Valentine card, but then you have to lick each envelope and then put a candy or sticker on it. If you are lucky enough to have three kids, that is 75 cards in one night since, of course, you waited until the night before to do this “work.” Surely this effort warrants at least half of the candy take if not more—actually 60-40 is probably a fairer cut.
Once that Hershey Kiss starts melting in your mouth, that hand cramp will be a distant memory—until next year.
Cheryl Maguire holds a Master of Counseling Psychology degree. She is married and is the mother of twins and a daughter. Her writing has been published in The New York Times, Parents Magazine, AARP, Healthline, Your Teen Magazine and many other publications. You can find her at Twitter @CherylMaguire05.