Our family has just gone through a big transition. After 23 years, we\u2019re now retired military. My husband, and father of our three kids, is no longer wearing his uniform and having folks salute and call him \u201cSir.\u201d While we don\u2019t plan on saluting him at home to compensate, we\u2019re very proud of him \u2014 then and now.<\/p>\n
As we\u2019ve made the switch from military to civilian, I\u2019ve watched my husband consider his future through the lens of fatherhood. A lens that is heavier and more distorted for him than I had previously realized. Every career decision he\u2019s made this year \u2014 from retiring to choosing his next job \u2013 has been about \u201cus.\u201d<\/p>\n
Having been married forever and best friends before that, you\u2019d think I would have understood what being a dad has meant to my husband. Or, more to the point, what being a dad has done to him.<\/p>\n
As a mom, there\u2019s no getting away from what having kids has done to me. My life has a definite fault line between before kids and after. My career changed dramatically, then went away, my body was not my own for years and now bears little resemblance to the pre-2000 version, my brain is littered with all the kid-generated to-dos, and, speaking of litter\u2026what happened to my clean house?<\/p>\n
My impression of my husband\u2019s life, before and after kids? He had the same job, continuous possession of all body parts, and his room of the house is under national park rules: Feel free to visit; just leave no trace.<\/p>\n
This year\u2019s transition made me realize that my impression of my husband\u2019s \u201cgentle\u201d metamorphosis to daddy was not exactly spot on.<\/p>\n
We were married seven years before we started a family – a long (fabulous) time of just us. So when the atomic bomb of baby number one hit, I got sucked into the experience 100 percent. I used to be \u201chis\u201d \u2013 then I was \u201ctheirs.\u201d Our world tipped in a big way.<\/p>\n
While I was in that first baby fog, my husband had time to ponder this new reality. As a new dad, he was left with the task of picking up the bits of our previous life and crafting the basis for our new life as a family.<\/p>\n
What I didn\u2019t realize is how parenthood changed his perspective and priorities almost as much as it did mine. As we\u2019ve raised our kids, I have envied his freedom to pursue his career while it was all I could do to keep the homestead in good, well, stead.<\/p>\n
As he\u2019s been so successful in his professional pursuits, I didn\u2019t appreciate how much he had to work the system to be sure his career didn\u2019t upset our family apple cart. He turned down opportunities if it meant moving us. He took a series of dreaded correspondence courses in his \u201cspare\u201d time so he wouldn\u2019t have to be gone for nine months. He\u2019s played the parent card he was dealt with an amazing poker face.<\/p>\n
So this Father\u2019s Day, I\u2019m going to take an extra moment to look at our precious world though my husband\u2019s eyes. I realize now more than ever that his journey has been as much about our kids as mine has. The dad role he\u2019s sculpted is just so very different (and controlled) than my frenetic mom role.<\/p>\n
So happy Father\u2019s Day to my dear husband and to all those quietly dedicated dads peering through their own fatherhood lens. Military or not, we salute you.<\/p>\n
Cynda Zurfluh<\/p>\n
Special Projects Editor & Writer<\/p>\n
Washington FAMILY Magazine<\/p>\n
czurfluh@thefamilymagazine.com<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Our family has just gone through a big transition. After 23 years, we\u2019re now retired military. My husband, and father of our three kids, is no longer wearing his uniform and having folks salute and call him \u201cSir.\u201d While we don\u2019t plan on saluting him at home to compensate, we\u2019re very proud of him \u2014 […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":5,"featured_media":7298,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[155,2],"tags":[],"yoast_head":"\n