As parents, we don our capes and show our superhero-y selves to our kids, relatives and friends. But life isn’t as shiny as it appears in a Facebook feed. Some “normal” days leave us hanging on by a thread, so what happens when an elderly parent is rushed to the hospital, a texting teen T-bones your car, or your doctor delivers news that leaves you reeling?
We’ve all heard stories of life gone off the rails, and many of us have lived them. If you’ve faced a challenging situation, have you allowed the troops to rally around you, or have you responded with a “We’re OK” or “I’ll let you know” when loved ones have offered to help? Here are three common reasons why you may be trying to handle a major challenge on your own… and how to get past them for your own well-being.
Reason 1: You don’t want to impose
Your friends are as busy as you are. You cringe at the thought of your BFF cooking dinner for your family when you know how much she has on her own plate.
Get over it: SHE WANTS TO DO THIS FOR YOU. Consider how you would feel if the situation were reversed. You would be there for her (or a coworker, or that nice mom at the playground) in a second, and you may even feel hurt if she didn’t let you help. To quote Ric Ocasek, “Refusing to ask for help when you need it is refusing someone the chance to be helpful.”
Reason 2: You don’t have a local support network
Moving for that big promotion seemed like a great idea at the time, but now your family is facing a crisis and your closest friends and relatives are anything but close. You hesitate to even tell them because really, what can they do other than worry?
Get over it: No matter the miles, friends and family always find ways to help. They can research resources in your area, send meals to your doorstep, and make sure you feel supported and loved with cards and emails. Don’t deprive yourself of their support simply because they’re not around the corner.
Reason 3: You’re too overwhelmed to even know what to ask for
Perhaps you’ve just welcomed a new baby, are facing major surgery, or are trying to hold it all together during your spouse’s deployment. Everyone and their brother is asking, “How can I help?” But you don’t even know where to begin.
Get over it: You have a team already, comprised of all the people who care about you and your family. Now you just need to appoint a team captain — one person to lead the rest. Perhaps your captain can get copied on your child’s soccer schedule so he or she can organize rides. Team members can be rallied together to babysit, or walk and feed your pets while you’re in the hospital. Maybe your captain will set up an online fundraising campaign, or simply email updates to your team so you’re not trying answer too many kind inquiries yourself. Acknowledge that it’s time to swap out your superhero cape for a team jersey. Together, you can go for the win!
Judy O’Connor is founder & CEO of Like Neighbors, a free online service that lets friends and family nationwide organize support and send meals to loved ones in the D.C. area. She resides in Maryland with her husband and two sons.
