With all their excitement and fun, the holidays are also a time with more activities and expectations for families. Managing those and the emotions that go with them can be challenging. We interviewed Dr. Emily Aron, M.D., of MedStar Georgetown University Hospital in Washington, D.C., to gain insight and tips for parents on how to manage the high emotions, excitement and stress that comes with the holidays.
Why can the holidays be stressful for families?
Before we [were] parents, we were kids, and holidays were an experience we just showed up for. Someone else did the planning, preparation, gift buying, managing the travel and activities. But now, as parents, you are in charge of creating that experience and making it special for others. Parents come to the holidays with their own memories — both good or bad — that can color the experience. It is important for parents to make space for reflection and tradition as they make new memories for their children and family.
This role shift carries with it a huge invisible mental load for the planning, shopping, travel, managing disappointment and keeping it joyful. The weight of expectations can make it hard, especially when you factor in family dynamics, traditions, financial pressures and the desire to make everything perfect.
What can be done to manage holiday stress for families?
Know that perfection should not be the goal, but rather focus on spending quality time together.
To put the pressure of perfection on themselves, parents set a tone that creates tension. Instead, relax, let go of expectations and set a tone of calm over perfection. Kids don’t live in a vacuum, and they regulate their emotions based on parents’ behaviors. So, even when the holidays become overwhelming and challenging family dynamics could come into play, try to let things go and remember that it will come to an end.
What are some tips for balancing holiday schedules to keep family harmony and enjoyment of the season?
While digital calendars are great, during a busy time like the holidays, it might be better to print out a calendar for everyone to see. Review [it] with the family often during the holidays. Use the calendar to set expectations. Choose the activities that you all will do together and those that will be for each person so that everyone knows where everyone is.
Also, be sure to schedule downtime and create rituals that provide time for relaxation and grounding, something that anchors everyone. It is also important to acknowledge that having extended family involved can create challenges and may not always be harmonious.
Have a strategy for coping and resetting — for everyone — since sometimes this can get overwhelming. And let children know that they should let you know if they need a break. Parents need to encourage this communication so that the fatigue or frustration does not come out in behavior.
What are tips for engaging children in helping out during the holidays?
Let kids know that you all are in it together as a family and that there are many ways for them to be involved, increasing the joy! Give them agency; they are more invested if they are part of the activities. For younger children, involve them in cooking, baking, decorating, learning how to set the table, and again, let go of perfection. As kids get older, they will have their own activities but can also take on more help with family activities. Creativity will be their strength! They can create playlists, plan activities, plan what everyone wears and take photos.
Emily Aron, M.D., is a child, adolescent, and adult psychiatrist at MedStar Georgetown University Hospital, where she serves as medical director of the Infant and Early Childhood Mental Health Program and co-director of Georgetown’s Infant and Early Childhood Mental Health Certificate Program. She also maintains a private practice and parent education platform, Looped-In Parenting, which offers evidence-based parenting strategies to help parents raise resilient, flourishing children.Â
Lisa C. Clough, MS Ed., CHES, is a health journalist and Certified Health Education Specialist.
