When children are labeled as “gifted,” there are plenty of misconceptions about what that term means and how these gifted children will perform intellectually, socially and emotionally.
When gifted kids also have a learning difference, such as ADHD, autism or dyslexia, they are known as “twice exceptional,” or 2e, needing special attention and support from parents, teachers and administrators to help them learn to use their strengths to support their weaknesses and address so called “bad behaviors.”
Julie Skolnick, a gifted children’s expert and author based in Potomac, Maryland, who serves as secretary to the Maryland superintendent’s State Advisory Council for Gifted and Talented Students, specializes in supporting 2e kids, having raised three of her own and spent years guiding parents, participating in speaking engagements, offering teacher training and sharing through a blog and book she wrote about understanding, support and advocacy for 2e kids.
Skolnick says that there are many misconceptions around giftedness, like the ideas that gifted children rarely have learning differences and that giftedness is tied to high achievement in school, which can make it hard to understand why a child is facing difficulties socially or emotionally because of their great talents in certain areas.
She explains that giftedness is defined by asynchronous development in a child’s skills in intellect, emotional capabilities and social capabilities, along with perfectionism and intensity in certain areas such as movement or education.
“If you look at the bell curve of intelligence, we actually know that the higher the IQ, the more asynchrony the child experiences,” Skolnick says.
That development difference can be explained by what Skolnick says is the “15-10-5 rule,” where the child will be a 15 developmentally in one area, 10 in another and 5 in the last, which can cause misconceptions that a child is lazy, a troublemaker or broken in some way.
This could manifest in behaviors in the classroom such as having a hard time sitting still and paying attention consistently or forgetting to do assigned tasks, despite great skill and passion for learning.
Skolnick says that to combat these issues that might arise with a 2e child, it’s important to take a strength-centered approach to supporting them and work on positive reframing of situations, encouraging them to use their strengths to support weaknesses.
Skolnick gave an example of a student she worked with that had a gifted intensity for movement and used that to help her pay attention during lessons on Zoom by running around the room.
It’s also key to foster an open line of communication with gifted students so that you can get a whole picture of the child and find what they need from you to support them.
The best steps are to listen and validate the child’s experiences, even if they might seem unreasonable to the parents, she adds.
“Many parents think to themselves, if they would just either stop something or start something, everything would be fine. And it’s not that simple. So, we have to validate what’s going on for them,” Skolnick says.
She says that working closely with a 2e kid to understand their behaviors and learn to deal with issues as they arise is a great step to supporting their continual development.
It’s important to be a strong advocate for a 2e child, especially in school where teachers and parents must work together to get a child the specific assistance they need to thrive.
“I want everybody to collaborate. I don’t look at anybody as the enemy,” Skolnick says. “You must have very specific requests. You have to really know what your goals are, and you have to choose those goals.”
Skolnick is the founder of With Understanding Comes Calm, a service to guide and support parents of who she calls gifted and distractable children.
She authored “Gifted and Distractable,” released in 2023, which offers advice on understanding, supporting and advocating for your 2e children.
