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MOM NOTES
Dear Readers,
A good friend of mine recently attended a presentation in
which the speaker referred to our generation of parents as
the “helicopter generation.” He said parents today hover
over our children and swoop in to save the day whenever they
have problems.
His point immediately struck a chord with me. I started
thinking about everyday situations where I am a witness to
other parents’ actions. I regularly see parents who try to
solve problems for their children. If their child is not
getting enough play time on his athletic team, they talk to
the coach about letting their child play more. If their
child has a project due in school, I have seen parents do
the entire project because “she did not have time.” If a
child is not getting along with another kid at school, I
have seen parents go to the administration and get the
“other” child moved out of their child’s classroom. I have
even seen parents try to intervene and solve problems for
their child who is away from home attending college.
How can our children learn to deal with the everyday
problems in life if we are always solving their problems for
them?
I know there are times when I have also been a helicopter
parent. My resolution for 2007 is to swoop in less and let
my children grow from life’s experiences.
When one of my own children was in high school, a school
counselor told me, “It is better to let them not succeed in
high school than to fail in college.” I think she was right.
Learning from our mistakes and difficulties can be as good
as learning from our successes. How does a baby learn to
walk if he doesn’t fall down trying? He has to learn how to
balance, which comes from trial and error.
When my youngest, Brittany, was a baby, her brother and
sisters were considerably older. They liked to carry her
around instead of letting her learn how to crawl. Whenever
she tried to reach for a toy, her brother, BJ, would jump up
and get it for her. She loved his help; he loved helping
her. They were so sweet together, but Brittany needed to
learn how to crawl.
So, I taught BJ a neat little trick. Brittany loved plastic
playing cards. BJ liked to sit on the floor playing cards
and Brittany would “help” him. He didn’t mind. It was a
little game they played. So one day I told BJ to lay the
cards just outside Brittany’s reach and lay down on the
floor facing her. He thought this was great fun, and pretty
soon Brittany rolled from her sitting position onto her
stomach and stretched out to get the card. It wasn’t long
before she could scoot an inch or two and reach the card.
Then BJ started putting the cards in a long line so she
could pick them up one by one if she scooted further. It
only took a day or two before Brittany was up on all fours
rocking back and forth and grabbing for her brother’s cards.
Pretty soon the other two girls were in on the fun of
leading Brittany around with a trail of cards. BJ had gone
from being a “helicopter brother” to being a trailblazer,
leading Brittany on adventures all over the floor.
Although having Brittany mobile was a challenge for me, I
was excited that she had learned how to take care of her own
needs and to have fun with her brother.
So I am making a concentrated effort to not swoop down and
save the day for my kids. Although, in the past, I was a
pretty good helicopter pilot, maybe I will try my hand at
being a trailblazer by setting a true course for success.
‘Til February, Happy Parenting
Brenda
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