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Self-Esteem as a generator and an
outcome of academic achievement
By Dr. Raymond J. Huntington
If your child is a good student with a “can-do” attitude about life,
you probably believe he or she has a healthy level of self-esteem.
But what came first – the confidence that she would do well in
school, or confidence borne by the fact that she is doing well?
It’s a surprisingly complicated question that’s at the heart of a
decades-long debate about the role, origins and outcomes of
self-esteem as factor of success in school and in life. If you were
born at a time when people actually said things like “children
should be seen and not heard,” you probably had to earn a good
report card and glowing praise from your teacher before your mom or
dad congratulated you on your academic brilliance. If you came into
the world a little later, the notions of popular culture may have
led your folks to shower you with compliments at every opportunity
because they thought you could only achieve success if you believed
very strongly in your ability to attain it.
For most children, today’s winning formula is a blend of both
perspectives. Here are some tips for building the kind of confidence
your child needs to succeed academically – and for appropriately
acknowledging progress along the way:
The early years. From your baby’s first steps, to the progression
out of diapers, to the learning of the alphabet, the years before
kindergarten are full of challenges. Children who are generously
praised for these accomplishments internalize the message that “I’m
smart” and develop a sense of capability and a desire to learn and
do more. Children tend to respond very well to positive
reinforcement during these early years, so it’s important to catch
your son or daughter “being good” and praise that behavior. Building
self-esteem in the home will instill self-confidence as he or she
heads off to school.
Elementary school. As your child moves through the later grades of
elementary school, being well-organized, cooperating with others and
doing neat and careful work will all have a direct impact on
academic success. For this reason, you should nurture – and praise –
your child’s willingness to keep his bedroom tidy and his ability to
overcome conflicts with brothers, sisters and neighborhood rivals.
Sitting down and carefully reviewing homework will send the message
that accuracy and neatness are valued, and will help your child
build the kind of confidence that comes with well-presented work.
Middle school. In middle school, your child will face increasingly
complicated academic challenges while grappling with peer pressure,
mood swings and a growing desire for independence. Middle school is
also a critical academic juncture for students who are struggling –
a time when many basically give up on their dreams of graduation and
higher education.
For these reasons, it’s important to pay special attention to both
self-esteem issues and academic performance during this period. Be
especially alert to any signs that your child is being bullied or is
having trouble making friends (visit
www.stopbullyingnow.hrsa.gov ) to learn what to look for and how
to respond). Reaffirm your belief in your child’s abilities whenever
you hear comments like “I’m stupid,” or “I’ll never understand
this.” Help your child discover special talents that can boost
self-esteem by taking advantage of extra-curricular opportunities
through the school or your community. And pay special attention to
test scores and report cards for any signs that your child is
falling behind.
Secondary school. From the first romantic break-up, to not making
the soccer team, to losing a part in the school play, the teen years
can wreak havoc on your son or daughter’s self-image. These types of
disappointments can easily fray your child’s sense of connection to
the school and spill over into a defeatist attitude about his or her
studies.
One of the best ways to help your child get past these
disappointments is to continually reinforce the understanding that
“there really is life after high school.” Talk with your child about
your own setbacks and how you overcame them and discuss the many
reasons why your child should feel good about his or her
capabilities. Make your own list of your son or daughter’s talents
and look for frequent occasions to mention and strengthen them.
Remember also that real accomplishment is usually the surest route
to real self-esteem. With this in mind, you should help your child
engage in positive activities in and out of school. Volunteering to
serve others in your community will give your child a sense of
well-being, and so will working hard to meet higher academic goals.
Once your child has a restored faith in the future, it will be
easier to get back to the books and concentrate on being a good
student – which will build the kind of well-deserved self-esteem
that will carry over to success in college and in life.
Dr. Raymond J. Huntington and Eileen Huntington are co-founders of
Huntington Learning Center, which has helped children achieve
success in school for 29 years. For more information about how
Huntington can help your child, call 1 800 CAN LEARN. |
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