Hey — Watch It!
Learning to Get a Handle on Anger
By David Whitehouse, M.D.
We all get angry sometimes; it is an unavoidable
part of life. Maybe a rude driver cut you off during
your commute last night, or your spouse or partner
didn’t do a chore they promised to do. Anger is a
natural, normal human emotion. However, if not
controlled and expressed in a healthy way, anger can
have some negative consequences.
Anger shows itself in different ways depending on
the person. Some people get only mildly irritated,
while others get furiously mad. Some get angry over
external events like the actions of a co-worker or
being stuck in a traffic jam; while others get upset
over internal issues, like recalling a frustrating
event, being let down or worrying about finances.
These few tips will help immediately if you find
yourself in a situation and can feel your anger
rising:
• Leave the situation (if possible)
• Count to ten
• Take three deep breaths
• Repeat a calming phrase such as “relax” or “calm
down”
And here are some popular ways to deal with anger in
the long run:
Change your view. Anger leads people to think in
exaggerations and generalizations. Replace thoughts
like “something terrible always happens to me” with
more rational ones.
Think logically. While some anger may be justified,
it can easily become irrational. Remind yourself
that no one is “out to get you,” but that
frustrating and disappointing things happen.
Don’t take yourself too seriously. Use humor to face
the problem constructively. This is not to say you
should “laugh” it off, but humor can help lighten
intense emotions.
Slow down. Don’t quickly assume you know what the
other person is trying to say. Listen carefully and
take time before you answer.
There is no telling what causes certain people to
get angrier than others. Evidence suggests that from
an early age, some children are naturally more
irritable, touchy, or easily angered. Other
influences could be a person’s upbringing, genetics
or general outlook on life.
It is important to learn to properly express anger
in a healthy way, otherwise the pent up aggression
can lead to violence or another type of behavior
known as passive aggressive behavior. Individuals
with passive aggressive behavior get back indirectly
at the person who has angered them, often by being
cynical, critical or negative. This type of behavior
makes it difficult to have successful relationships.
Sometimes life can feel overwhelming. If you find
that anger is interfering with your daily tasks or
that problems are affecting your relationships, you
should consider seeking professional counseling.
Asking for help is never a sign of weakness or
failure, especially in situations too difficult to
handle alone.
Resources
American Psychological Association
Phone: 1-202-336-5700
www.apa.org/pubinfo/anger.html
Information about the nature of anger and different
approaches for controlling it.
The information and therapeutic approaches in this
article are provided for educational purposes only.
They are not meant to be used in place of
professional clinical consultations for individual
health needs. Certain treatments may not be covered
in some benefit plans. Check your health plan
regarding your coverage of services.
1 Deffenbacher, J.L., Deffenbacher, D.M., Lynch, R.S.,
& Richards, T.L. (2003). Anger, aggression and risky
behavior: A comparison of high and low anger
drivers. Behavior Research and Therapy, 41 (6),
701-718.
Dr. David Whitehouse is the Chief Medical Officer,
Strategy and Innovation, for United Behavioral
Health. United Behavioral Health, a subsidiary of
UnitedHealth Group, provides behavioral health
services to more than 43 million members across the
country. Since 1979, United Behavioral Health has
earned a reputation as an innovative developer of
clinical solutions that improve total health and
well-being. More information about United Behavioral
Health can be found at
www.unitedbehavioralhealth.com
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