Dads In Delivery
By Anne Davis
In the '50's and 60's it was very unusual for a father to be in
the delivery room with his wife while she gave birth to their child.
Fathers paced the waiting room anticipating that at any moment a
white clad figure would emerge from behind closed doors to tell them
they had become a parent. Social customs have dramatically changed
and today Dad can be found right beside Mom during the entire
experience. In fact, most women expect that their husband will be at
their side as they undergo the painful, laborious process of
delivering a child. However, Dad does have a choice.
To Be or Not To Be in the Delivery Room
Most women will want their husband to be with them during labor
and delivery. After all, who knows her best? Who can tell what will
give her the most comfort during this difficult time? Mom will also
want to share in the joy and celebration of bringing this new life
into the world.
Most fathers today choose to at least be their wife's labor
coach. This gives them a sense that they are contributing and have
some control. But, a minority of fathers choose to stay out of the
delivery room. Some feel uneasy dealing with pain or the sight of
blood. They might also feel out of place or in the way.
If you are in doubt about being in the delivery room, the best
way to determine if you want to be a part of this life changing
moment is to educate yourself as much as you possibly can. Try to
watch at least two birth videos. Talk openly with your wife about
your feelings and your fears. Find out exactly what her expectations
are and what she wants. Talk with at least 2, preferably 3, new dads
about their experiences. Reach out to the men in your childbirth
preparation class and discuss how you feel.
The Three Stages of Delivery
For mom, labor and delivery can take from six to twenty hours
(sometimes even longer). It generally is divided into three stages:
Labor, Pushing and Birth, and After Birth. The labor stage also has
three stages consisting of early labor, active labor and transition.
- Stage 1 / Early Labor. Mom's cervix is effacing and dilating.
Her water may break. Help Mom decide when it is time to go to the
hospital or birthing center.
- Stage 1 / Active Labor. The cervix continues to dilate to
about 8 centimeters and Mom becomes increasingly uncomfortable.
- Stage 1 / Transition. Mom will be fully dilated and may have
the urge to push. Sometimes this is when Mom says she can't take
the pain anymore and becomes scared. Dad's job is to support and
encourage.
- Stage 2 / Pushing & Birth. The baby moves through the birth
canal and the doctor or midwife may perform an episiotomy. Mom may
become more confident that she can complete her efforts. Dad needs
to continue to encourage her and tell her she is doing great.
- Stage 3 / After Birth. The placenta will separate from the
wall of Mom's uterus and the doctor or midwife will repair the
episiotomy. Dad will encourage Mom to relax and together they will
begin to enjoy their new child.
If Dad is Mom's labor coach there will be many other things he
will do to relax her and support her during the birth process.
Working together they will deliver a wonderful new life.
It's Your Decision
No matter what your decision, your ultimate success as a father
is not solely determined by whether or not you were in the room when
your child was born. Being there for your child throughout their
life is of much greater importance.
Resources for Expectant and New Dads
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